I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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