i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
