Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
