her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Congratulations! We have a period
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize