Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
