I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize