Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
