She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
