Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Alive.
So much puke
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
