Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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