he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
