Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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