Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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