I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
