my sisters under your porch take her home
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
