I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
