You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
