I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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