I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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