I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
