You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
