Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
