I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
