then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
