Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
