i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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