put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
