Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
