Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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