FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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