The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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