glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
