hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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