listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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