That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
