I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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