And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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