he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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