They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
