dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
