I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
