Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
