took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize