It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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