your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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