Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize