just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
