So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize