Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
