isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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