Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize