My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
