i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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