I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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