I want to stick my p in your. b.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
