Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize