I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
