my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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