I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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