I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
