I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
