All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And then he peed in my hair
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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