My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
