Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
