Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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