Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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