Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
