I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
