Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
