too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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