I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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