just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
