mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
