Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize