are you so shy because you have an std?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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