Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
