after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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