If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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