i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
