Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
