your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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