Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
