i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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