Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
