but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
