he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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