does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
