party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
