that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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