I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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