I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
