grandma shit on top of the toilet
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
