Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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