I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
