I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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