on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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