I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
