genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
