Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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