The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
