He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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