youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
