I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
