she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
