so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize