wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
