kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
