Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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