I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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